black sheep, noun
The least reputable member of a group; a disgrace. This metaphor is based on the idea that black sheep were less valuable than white ones because it was more difficult to dye their wool different colors. Also in the 16 century, their color was considered the devil’s mark. By the 18th century the term was widely used as it is today, for the odd member of a group.
(American Heritage Dictionary)
Have you always been known as “the black sheep”? Associated with words like outcast, outspoken, reject, prodigal…weirdo?
Or perhaps in your family of origin you were the only one with musical or artistic talent and nobody understood your weirdness. Or maybe you were a guy who didn’t like football or a girl who didn’t want to have a baby? Or maybe you turned your back on the religion you were raised in.
Or maybe you just cursed a helluva lot more than the normals do. (I sure do!)
On the outside it appears that you don’t care very much what people think of you or what is considered the “right thing” to do? (I very much embrace a “fuck-the-fucking-fuckers” philosophy.)
But inside there is the incessant voice that questions “who do you think you are?”, “DO you even have a clue what you are doing? Or “What if I am all wrong?”
How often do we let this voice stop us? How much of our time is wasted fighting back the defeating self-talk? Despite our outward bravado and strength, there is a little
inside each of us.
OMG I drain a lot of precious energy IN MY HEAD, having to talk myself down off the ledge of self- doubt. I remember author Wayne Dyer saying we have something like 60,000 thoughts in one day, and most of them are repeats! It is exhausting to continually harp on myself, even if it’s not out loud.
Here’s the bald truth; I have two battling voices inside: Scaredy cat me and feisty black sheep me.
And I have conversations in my mind that go something like this:
Scaredy cat: I’m too old!
Feisty black sheep: Screw age. Who decided how old was too old anyway?
Scaredy cat: I’ve wasted so much time already!
Feisty black sheep: You’ve worked your ass off for years. You only always have the now moment.
Scaredy cat me: But what if I’m not good enough?
Feisty black sheep: Good enough for whom? (fuck-the-fucking-fuckers!)
Scaredy cat: I don’t want to seem too woo woo or ignorant.
Feisty black sheep: Embrace your freaky deaky nature and prove how smart you are!
Obviously scaredy cat me is the voice of my dastardly and wimpy ego and feisty black sheep me represents my
inner badass diva (the higher power baby!).
And I must continually make a conscious choice to listen to the feisty black sheep or my INNER DIVINITY, the messages that download to me from universal energy all about worthiness, talent, dreams and capability. (Besides divinity is delicious!)
Sometimes, as I am swept away by amazing bouts of inspiration and glorious ideas, that stinkin’ fear voice creeps in and makes me question myself. I begin to doubt or lose faith in my ability to be successful or flourish. If I happen to be really stressed, feeling a bit under the weather, or even just premenstrual, I can waiver in my confidence and shrink back from going all in.
I actually thought to myself a few months back, WHAT if I didn’t question? WHAT if I truly believed in the power of my intentions with absolute certainty? WHAT would it feel like to have absolute KNOWING? How astonishing of a life could I have then? (I love these moments of ‘satori’, or sudden enlightenment, where the veil of understanding is lifted just for a fleeting moment and I truly get it and then whoooooosh…it’s gone.)
So sure I can shrink back at times, but my need for beauty, adventure, brilliance and connection urge me to just keep going, just keep trying… just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!
Elizabeth Dorrance Hall, an assistant professor of communication at Utah State University says, “Many so called black sheep wear the title like a badge of honor. This applies especially to “positive deviants” — people who make positive changes in their lives and the world but are still ostracized by members of their family.”
In my mind the term “positive deviants” = Fierce Pollyanna—and yes I do wear the label “black sheep” with pride!
And feisty black sheep me says GO ALL IN!
If you are a black sheep too, I’d love to hear from you! Join the conversation in my facebook group! I will be offering fun freebies, badass tips and custom art products + loads of brutal honesty!