Before we get to this week’s blog:
SHOUT OUT to the awesome folks who read my blog, participate in my group and buy my art and books. YOU ROCK!
Here’s my latest “See what I made for you”… a “peeps & poops” tote bag! (just-cuz-fun)
I’m fortunate to have created a life where I do what I love and work with amazing people who appreciate the art & “shells of wisdom” I have to give, as well as light me up as a human!! Cheers to YOU!
And if you aren’t already on my list–please join me in the CREATE HAPPY community by clicking this link.
Hey YOU, it’s ok to BE SEEN.
(I’m talking to myself there mostly).
So, I freaking hate to admit that I spent so many DAMN years wasting and withering away, like some timid, insignificant nobody. I literally wrote a monologue in a playwriting class that began “I was a ghost, floating through life, and nobody noticed”. Yikes. I really did feel that way at one point in my 30’s.
When I look back
I see the ginormous struggle I had to be a significant someone. Wanting to fit in. To FEEL worthy. Behind most of the SHIZZLE I’ve dealt with in life, is this crapload of unworthiness muck. Oh sure, dysfunctional childhood, bleh bleh…#allthereasons. At one point I had to say SO WHAT?!? Everyone has a thousand good reasons why they hide, they feel embarrassed, ashamed or afraid. Excuses BE GONE.
As a result, things have turned so completely around, one baby step at a time, I trusted myself, spoke up more, stood up more, set better boundaries (they are like steel NOW!) and I allowed myself to just be me.
Every year that has passed I’ve embraced the ME I want to be even more. I’ve tripped, stumbled and flailed my way to expression in the most creative ways I can. I have let go of the foolish notion that I can’t do what I want, ‘cause someone will laugh, disapprove or be offended. Again…SO WHAT?!?
“Well behaved women seldom make history.” ~Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, Harvard Professor
I wish I could express in words the SUPREME feeling of being FREE to be myself, unshackled by the TRASH of constant self-criticism. Just doing all the things that make me happy and throwing all my ART, all my imagination out into the world. Willy and/or Nilly like.
If my ‘stuffs’ don’t land with certain people…SHRUG…no biggie. There is truly no need to beat myself up if someone doesn’t love me. Or they think I’m nuts, weird or koo koo. Or they even say ‘hatery things’ like:
Water off a duck’s back! It has to be, cause if I let all the OTHERS words/thoughts into my mind, to poison my sacred internal space with other’s rubbish, then I am responsible for the outcome. I have ALL the control when it comes to what stays in my brain. I get to say PSHAW! And just keep making my own soul happy.
Believe me, this is an ONGOING practice.
Thus I have learned to put up my ‘psychic shields’ when it comes to obsessing over what others think. I use many tools, such as meditation, soul-streaming, affirmations, self-care practices (like massage and pleasure) as well as rewriting old negative beliefs! Seriously, I will physically write down some troublesome, triggering thought and FLIP the script. Such as:
“You’ve constantly struggled with weight loss. Just face it you will always be fat. And you look old, bloaty and ugh don’t let anyone ever see your flab.”
“I am a sassy, sexy woman! Every day I wake up with a renewed sense of self and my mind and body overcome old conditioning to release excess weight and find my ideal size. I love me.”
Honestly, it works. I used to be so down on myself and my body on the DAILY…now these thoughts intrude maybe once a week or less. And I tell them to SHUT T F UP now. (I’m a real REBEL in my own head…you should see me in there, kicking ass and taking names!!)
As my 3-year-old granddaughter said one day, in an adorable little voice, to the yellowjacket buzzbombing us and threatening to sting:
“GO AWAY BEE!”
I literally say that to the ridiculous, critical thoughts that pop in my head. Or simply notice them and think “next”. Notice the thought and say (outloud sometimes) “NEXT”…(like a director auditioning bad actors).
So, Let’s all hold hands and step out of the unworthiness muck…together!
Color the World with your Sparkle!
The Fierce Pollyanna